Not How I Imagined It
by wibblywobblytimeywimeygirl13
Summary: Merlin pictures his reunion to Arthur a lot of different ways... (T for language only, and there is slash but it's incredibly slight)


Not How I Imagined It

Merlin pictures his reunion with Arthur a lot of different ways. Sometimes he's pulling Arthur out of the lake and into his arms and telling him that it's alright, that they're going to be okay now. And Arthur comes with him into the shack and shivers and asks questions about where everyone has gone, and Merlin cries when he has to tell his king that all his subjects are dead.

Other times, Arthur shouts at him or just punches him. He calls him a traitor and a sorcerer and a liar and he leaves. Most times he comes back though, because this is Merlin's imagination, and there isn't a world in there when the two of them are apart for good. Just imagining those times kills Merlin a little bit, especially the few where he doesn't come back.

Sometimes Arthur doesn't remember him, because Merlin doesn't really know how this coming back to life thing works, and maybe it'll be reincarnation. Sometimes he looks different in these ones, sometimes he's younger, or older because Merlin didn't find him quite on time. He remembers Merlin when he sees him sometimes, other times he stares at him with a blank gaze and Merlin has to tell him, it's okay though because at least it's Arthur. One time he has a family, Merlin imagines him with children, a son and daughter, because Arthur would be a good father, a much better one than his own. That time Merlin leaves, and doesn't tell Arthur anything at all. He moves into the flat next door though, and he gets to see his king every day, and it breaks him a little, but it's Arthur, so it's okay.

Twice, he dreams of finding Arthur already dead and buried. Those times he locks himself in his house for the next three days, because he failed again and he can't stand it. Maisie something or other from the supermarket in the small town he's moved into drops by to make sure he's alright, because he usually comes for groceries every other day. She leaves free food, which he doesn't eat.

In a couple of his imaginings they kiss, and he stubbornly attributes these only to his crushing loneliness, and decides that he will not mention them to Arthur when he comes back.

If he comes back.

And that's the worst idea, the one he doesn't let himself think, because maybe all this waiting he's done is for nothing and his king is never coming back at all. He doesn't let himself consider it much, or ever really, because he can't think of never seeing his friend again. Never saying "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" and "I've missed you" and "I think I might love you a little bit". He doesn't let himself think about how useless, how meaningless, he is without Arthur. He's a guardian with no one to save.

* * *

Yet when Arthur finally comes back, and he does come back, it is none of these things. He doesn't emerge panting from the lake, or run into Merlin unrecognizing at the supermarket, or appear in the form of a gravestone in another man's name. Arthur returns to Merlin in the form of a phone call from the Sheriff's station of the town, informing him that "some asshole was swinging a sword, (a bloody _sword_) around on the freeway" and as there's "no one else in the god damn world named Merlin, so will you please come pick up your friend before I boot him out in the middle of the street on his fucking ass".

And Merlin agrees and hangs up the phone in a daze and thinks that maybe it might be some kind of prank, but how could it be? He falls to a sitting position in his living room and for a moment he thinks he is going to cry but instead he bursts out laughing because it's been over a thousand years and Arthur is _still _a clot-pole. So he goes and gets his coat and his car keys, and oh god he's going to have to explain to the king what a car is so they don't have a repeat incident of what just landed him in jail. And he gets into his car and goes to save his king's ass. Again. And it's not even a little bit how he imagined it, but it's exactly how it should be.


End file.
